What Italy Does on Wednesday Nights
by Hospitalized Heartless
Summary: Just another day at the races for our lovely and bubbly Italy and our stoic Germany. Germany x Italy, Ludwig x Feliciano, This will make absolutely no sense and will most likely give you a minor case of serious brain damage. Enjoy.


**Title: What Italy Does on Wednsday Nights (Read: Italy Fucks things Up For Germany [Fan-Fiction wouldn't let me put that as a title for vulgarity~])**

Warnings: General Crack

**You have been warned.**

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"Ne, ne, Doitsu," Whined a small Italian man to a taller German one.

"Vhat do you vant, Italy?" Ludwig sighed, his German accent slipping into his carefully practiced English words. Although it was clear there was a romantic attraction between the two men, he insisted on the formality of referring to each other by country names rather than human names.

"Can we go on a picnic or play football or prank call Japan or visit big brother or – "

"Italy, I am busy! Go amuse yourself in the Black Forest or something." Ludwig snapped dismissively, motioning towards the dark forest that enveloped the clearing around Ludwig's house. The lake glittered banefully.

The Italian's coffee-colored eyes filled with tears but the German was too preoccupied to notice. The former wiped his sleeve across his eyes childishly and ran girlishly away with much distressed flailing into the foreboding forest.

On any other day, Feliciano would have been intimidated by the forest, unwilling to enter, but today was different. It was as if he knew, somehow, that he was supposed to be there. The darkness seemed less dark and frightening noises seemed less frightening.

At first, Feliciano ran aimlessly, amusing himself by seeing how fast he could dart between the trees. Later, however, this supposed euphoria wore off and Feliciano grew tired and wished to go home. He tried to retrace the path he taken but alas, it twisted and turned too much and led him in circles. Finally, he plopped down in front of a tree, discouraged and exhausted.

"All I want to do is go home," Groaned Feliciano to himself as he hit the ground. The forest had suddenly become cold and the ground was very uncomfortable.

"Are you sure?" boomed an ominous voice that seemed to come from all directions.

"AHH! SO SCARY!" Feliciano screamed, trying to run from the voice. Of course, there was nowhere to run, the voice was everywhere.

Suddenly, a man appeared in a puff of red smoke and on the path before him, blocking his way. The man was clad in a bright red suit and, oddly, he had horns.

"Hi, hey, what's up? That scary voice was just me, the Devil. I'm trying to get you to sign your soul away to me somehow and I'd appreciate it if you didn't ruin this for me with your cowardice. I don't often put all my cards on the table like this but I doubt you're listening so –"

"OOO, shiny suit!" Exclaimed Feliciano, rubbing it with the palm of his hand gently, mesmerized.

"And you've stopped listening. Hey kid!" the Devil snapped his fingers in the Italian's face.

"I'm 23 years old." Moaned Feliciano as his expression ironically changed to one of a pouting child.

"Oh, my mistake, I thought you were an ageless gender neutral chibi thing. Anyway, I want to make a deal with you."

"Oh I know what to do here," The Italian shouted excitedly, "NO DEAL!"

"You haven't even heard the deal yet."

"I watch a lot of game shows." Feliciano muttered embarrassedly.

"I'll take you home but on one condition. You and your boyfriend "– Italy blushed at the label but didn't hasten to correct it – "Can only speak in song lyrics for all time."

"Sounds legit." said Italy with a shrug.

The Devil produced a lengthy contract from his back pocket and a needle.

"Woah! What the – ooo shiny." And the Italian was again floored by the suit.

The Devil took this opportunity to extract some blood from the red-head finger tip, holding the contract carefully under the injection site. With practiced patience, he got a usable sample.

"Ok, I'll try and make this as painless as possible." The Devil said, picking up an unrecognizable object and whacking the Italian across the head with it.

And then there was darkness.

"Italy," a voice pierced through the inky blackness that had enveloped Feliciano, "Get the fuck up, get the fuck out of here."

"Ugh, Germany, I'm awake. I'm alive." Feliciano's hand slapped over his mouth as he snapped awake. The events of last night came rushing back with a vengeance.

"Well, um, get the fuck up. It's nine in the afternoon." Two different songs spilled out of Ludwig's mouth as he tried to put a coherent sentence together. "I mean open your eyes and see that life is beautiful." A frustrated look appeared on his face, the powerless frustration that came with not being able to trust your own voice.

Ludwig, gaining a tenuous grasp on what was going on, motioned toward the kitchen and mimed the act of eating.

"Yay! It's peanut butter jelly time." Yelled Feliciano, running to the table and gobbling down the pasta meals with covered the table.

Ludwig pulled out a yellow legal pad and a pen and wrote in all caps, "ITALY, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?" His facial expression conveyed his anger perfectly well without the use of all caps but Ludwig felt it was necessary.

In response, Feliciano drew a plate of pasta and wrote under it, "PASTAAAAAA!" He stared up at Ludwig with a dreamy AD/HD induced expression.

"I'm serious," scribbled Ludwig, almost illegibly, anger clouding his vision, "I'm serious, something's wrong with my voice and this sort of things only happens when you fuck something up."

Italy wrote an unnecessarily long and detailed report of his doings in the forest.

"I was gonna read your report but then I got high." rapped Ludwig looking down at the paper with disgust.

"Read a book, read a book, read a motherfucking book." Feliciano rapped back and then covered his mouth with a girly hand.

After their awkward lunch, the pair parted ways till it was again dark outside, Ludwig to read Feliciano's report and Feliciano to sleep.

Hours later, they convened in the dining room.

Ludwig took one look at Italy and motioned outside and said, "These boots are made for walking." As usual his original meaning was lost in the curse. He had ceased to get annoyed or even shocked about it. It just happened and he had to deal with.

"Walk this way!" Feliciano screamed running outside and sitting on the bench beside the lake that lay beside Ludwig's little one story house.

The moonlight splashed across Ludwig's pale skin, giving it an unearthly glow as they sat together on a bench before the lake that night. He stiffly put his well-muscled arm around the attractive Italian as they sat there in silence, afraid to speak. After a day of their words being mangled, they wanted to get it right this time. The red-head let out a squeak as he felt the gesture.

Ludwig foolishly tried to speak, to convey his feelings of admiration and love, "I believe in a thing called love, just listen to the rhythm of my heart, there's a chance we can make it now." The Darkness would have no doubt been proud of his usage of their hit song but he didn't think of that now. He had meant to lead up to that announcement. The cure must have come with a bit truth serum that time.

"I will possess your heart." Feliciano sang back. Oddly, this exclamation didn't forced by the curse. It seemed as though he had sung it this way on purpose. No look of annoyance followed the statement, just one of rapt attention as he waited for an answer from the outwardly tough German.

It was then that the striking realization came. If they simply chose to sing all the time, the curse didn't affect them. At least that way they could choose the song rather than relying on sloppy translations. They were both fairly tolerable at singing.

"I'm your Opheliac." Ludwig sang, this time with true feeling.

Feliciano looked at Ludwig with a sarcastic look that said, "Really? That song?" But then he replied, "I feel so alive tonight, you got me feeling so blind, I wanna yell it from the rooftops down until it's over and we're over."

This trading of love songs continued for some time into the night until they fell asleep in each other arms.

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**A/N: xD This is actually something a friend of mine wrote (She has an account on here but for the life of me, I can't remember it.) And since she didn't put this up, I decided to put it up for her since it was so funny. O uO Leave stuff in reviews to see if you like~ I'll send my passings onto my friend!**


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